Your mouth is God's brothel.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
