Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
