I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
