my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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