I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
