the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
