ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm always down for nudity.
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