He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She even gives head with a lisp.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize