i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
