I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
