Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize