Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
