her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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