my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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