i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
