Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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