You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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