Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
