he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
