im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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