i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
