I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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