tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize