I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
