you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
