I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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