If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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