never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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