bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
