the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
