At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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