I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
