and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
