don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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