First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
