Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
