This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
