I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
