Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
