thus making me awesome and them whores
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
