fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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