Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
