I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
