FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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