Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
