i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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