That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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