Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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