I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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