Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
