all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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