is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize