Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
