saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
