Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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