Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize