i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
