I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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