Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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