I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
