the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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