I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
