In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
