he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
