My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
