he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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