so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
