She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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