I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
