You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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