i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
