but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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