she smelled like a LAN party
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
