Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
