Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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